The sewer urchins’ hideaway, Northgate
85 Autumn 217, after defeating Hampton
She stares up at the darkened sewer ceiling—truly dark now, with the goggles removed for rest. Despite the bone-deep weariness that soaks her entire being, her mind burns with the implications of the battle and the horrific sights she’d seen, while her body tingles with the memory of Talith’s arms wrapped around her. Thoughts and visions and emotions battle through her head. How long had it been since she’d been embraced, or even touched? Then, and once before, when she’d grabbed Astarael’s hand to pass invisibly to their first apartment—the pounding of her heart then might have been as much from daring to touch another’s hand as it was from the sharing of magics. How many brushes with death did that make now? She might be losing count—and isn’t that a sad thing to say. Had she ever heard of similar occurrences? She’d known of people who would injure themselves, and others who seemed to take any opportunity to throw themselves into situations where they would get hurt, but nothing on this scale. It’s frightening. Is it manifesting into the world? A concept taking flesh, moving from the Stuff into the physical? Did that mean the Stuff is a place one could be, as well as being what makes the world and governs the laws it abides by? What does it want? Is it … lonely, too? Or merely hungry?
Aloysius chitters sleepily next to her neck and cuddles in closer, curling tightly beneath her ear. She smiles despite the chaos in her head and puts a hand up to cup his body. His presence and the comfort of his small furry body had gone a long way to ease her loneliness over the years; in particularly bad times, she’d sometimes even reconstituted him as a cat for the comfort of the larger body.
The smile slips off as she silently acknowledges that it isn’t quite the same, even so. But what is to be done about it? Nothing, really. She’d joined this strange company because they had a similar purpose, and because she’d needed the aid. She has no doubt that she’s materially useful to this rebellion, with her spells and her power—Ethan had said as much. Once that purpose is done, though, she has equally no doubt that they will drift apart.
Change, and loss.
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