Streets of Dustown
Immediately after the leaving the tavern
Ethan
Ethan has a lot of feelings as he leaves the tavern. The night had not gone as he expected. Mostly for good reasons - great reasons. But still…
He is pulled out of his thoughts when he notes a figure seated in an alley; the figure appeared to be holding staring contest with a wall. Ethan recognizes the costume. The figure is Bax.
“You plan to stare at that thing the whole night…?”
Bax
Bax had been lost in thought after rushing out from the tavern. At some point he had situated himself to sit across from and stare at an alley wall. It was putting up strong competition when Ethan interrupted.
“I may. This is the first time in a year that I won’t be going back to the wilds. I forgot that I don’t have a place to stay so I don’t have much else to do…
“I’m uh, sorry. That I left the meeting like that. Felt like there was still more stuff to talk about and plan. But I had to leave.”
Bax sighed and turned back to stare at the wall.
“There’s just a lot to think about.”
Ethan
He stood silently in the street for a moment before responding. What his friend said was true - there was a lot to think about.
He takes a deep breath and the cold, dry air burn in his lungs. The nights were undoubtedly growing colder. Winter wasn’t far off.
“That’s alright. Sometimes you just gotta leave.” He shrugs. “It happens.”
Ethan glanced around at the empty streets before making his way over next to Bax. He decided not to speak for a bit, just join in and share in silent study of the wall.
Bax
The silence continued to hang on the cold evening air before Bax spoke up once more.
“I’m not upset about your brother being the Wolf. Or that he killed Garbon…Well I mean I am, but not at him. At least not entirely at him…”
He paused again. He didn’t enjoy thinking about his past.
“Do you remember, back in Aelorean’s Crossing, when Kelwin had captured me? We haven’t talked about that day much. Course, no one has asked about what happened. And I’m okay with that, it’s not necessarily my favorite memory to talk about.
“But thinking about that day, about what Kelwin and the Swans did to me. About what they could’ve done to me if they had more time. It scares me, to think how I could’ve been broken. How easily I could’ve wound up in Roland’s position. He bears some responsibility for what he’s done, but I don’t blame him entirely for what he’s done.”
Ethan
Ethan considered this.
He understood that there are moments when the right words can make all the difference. As the characters he played, he always seemed to have the right things to say (because that was the job). But in honest moments, as himself, Ethan was often lacking.
He didn’t know the right words, so he offered honest ones instead, hoping they would work until someone else could do better.
“There’s a lot of pain in the world. People don’t get a say in how much they get or where it comes from… The only choice we have is what we do with it.
“I never asked you about what happened because… it’s yours. You get to decide what to do with it. Carry it, bury it… that’s up to you. If you’re saying you want to talk about it now, you can.
“Hell, maybe it’d be good for you to share it or for others to hear it, I don’t know. But it’s completely your call to make.”
“As for Roland…” he trails off, standing in quiet contemplation. Eventually he just shrugs. What was there to say?
Bax
“Maybe I should tell everyone. I dunno. I suppose at the very least it could give us another perspective to view your brother from…”
Bax sighs heavily, as he still feels burdened by thoughts he can’t push away. He stands and begins pacing in the alleyway. Memories of Aelorean’s Crossing and Kelwin begin to bubble to the front of Bax’s mind. Flashes of his friends now dead scream at him.
“But it’s not just your brother. I feel so angry right now and I can’t—” he cuts himself off to grab his head. Frustrated with himself for having such a limited vocabulary and agitated at the memories he can’t seem to push down.
“Back then, Kelwin decided that I either wasn’t worth killing or worth taking and converting to their side like Roland. But I survived that night! And I thought that made me strong! And I thought I could use that strength to protect everyone and make sure they survive!”
“But I was wrong! I wasn’t there to help Rowen when he needed it! I was too weak to keep my promise to the twins! And I was too late to save Garbon!”
He quickly turns and swings his full weight at the alley wall, punching with his full strength. The immediate pain coursing through him, and he feels a tinge of annoyance that he’s weak enough to feel discomfort right now.
“So what use am I to this group if I’m not strong enough or smart enough! What can I do to fight the Swans because I can’t, I won’t, become a monster like they want me to! Like what they did with Roland! So how do I fight them?!”
Ethan
“What? Who…?” Ethan couldn’t understand who Bax was talking about. Nobody was asking him to become a monster…
There was an obvious connection that escaped Ethan’s grasp for the moment. He was too preoccupied with his friend’s misplaced guilt to catch it.
“No, Bax, you don’t have to become a monster to fight them. You just…”
Ethan thinks on this for a bit before he speaks. When he does, he parcels out his questions one at a time.
“Bax… do you blame your father for what happened to you when you were captured by Kelwin?”
“Do you call him ‘weak’ or ‘stupid’ for not keeping you safe?
“Did he somehow fail you…?”
Bax
“What? No of course not!” He replied incredulous.
He thought on the odd question for a moment before realizing Ethan’s point.
“But this is different, I’m different! My father was sick and could hardly get out of bed!
“I have these damned abilities that make me so much better at killing! And I try to use them to protect all of you! But if I can’t keep everyone safe, if I can’t keep my promises, then what good am I to you guys?”
Ethan
“Is it different?” Ethan continued to press. “You don’t think he wanted to keep you safe just as badly as you want to protect your friends…?
“He did. You know that. Your dad was so sick he could barely get out of bed… but that’s not where died. He went down fighting… but it didn’t save you. Didn’t stop you from being captured and tortured.”
“The point is, he did everything he could and it still wasn’t enough. But you don’t blame him… so why would you judge yourself any different?”
“Your abilities, great as they are, have limits. Same as anyone else.”
Ethan was circling the point. He wasn’t sure how much of what he said was working.
“Look, if you do everything that you can and things still turn out bad… well, give yourself as much credit as you would your dad. Which means either you’re both weak, useless men who can’t protect the people they care about. Or the world’s a bigger place than anyone’s good intentions, and efforts made towards keeping an earnest promise is the best anyone can do…”
Bax
Bax felt frustrated at Ethan’s point. He was correct obviously, there was no need for Bax to blame himself for something he wasn’t around to help prevent. And he knew this. But he was so frustrated…
He took a deep breath and held it for a moment. Releasing it slowly to calm himself.
“You’re right…it’s annoying how right you are actually.
“I lost control of myself there. That was a lot of bad news at once to follow up with everyone meeting again. Thanks for reeling me back.”
He fell back against the wall and returned to where he was sat before next to Ethan.
“Are you okay? You’ve been holding onto that info about your brother for a while now. And you’re also organizing the takedown of an army. You must be exhausted.”
Ethan
Ethan looks up to the clear, northern sky as he considers this. He smiles.
“I am tired… but not exhausted yet. It’s like the chess games I would play with Garbon. Not the quick ones we’d speed through on my lunch break; the slow ones we’d play when I was done with work. Sometimes, he’d come up with new rules to make the game more complex - add another layer to the game. But mostly we played it straight.”
He laughed remembering this.
“We’d hardly speak the whole the time. Just sit there contemplating moves and countermoves, trying to think six plays ahead. It was exhausting, but… fun.”
His mind drifts for a moment, recalling the bittersweet memories of simple pleasures shared with a friend he’d never see again.
“As for Roland…” he pauses, finally hearing what his friend had been trying to tell him earlier.
“I think you should try to tell us what they did to you. Or tried to do. I think it would help everyone understand what we’re up against… and it would help me understand how my brother went from a world-class asshole into an world-class asshole who would kill my friends.”
“But that’s for you to decide. Talk or don’t. Share or keep it. Like I said, it’s yours to choose.”
Bax
Bax raises an eyebrow at Ethan’s idea of fun. But who is he to judge. He likes to sleep in the mountains using sheep as pillows.
“I think I get what you mean. In a way, fighting the Swans is like chess for you. Plotting every move so that you can to take down your prey. That’s the part that excites you. Like hunting for me.”
He takes a moment to think on his next wording. Considering Ethan’s suggestion.
“You may be right. Of all people I think you deserve to know. But if I’m gonna have to drudge up those memories, we may as well wait till have have everyone gathered so we can explain it to them too. When we eventually face Roland, I want us to kill him as a mercy. Not for revenge.”
Bax pauses, scraping at the ground with his finger. He starts to blush underneath his mask but pushes on.
“Y’know, I’m actually kinda scared of fire. You remember when we ambushed that carriage, and I opened up the barrel of ‘food’ and it exploded? I’ve been a bit scared of fire since then. Took me ages to stop flinching whenever it was my turn to start fires when we camped…”
This was the first time Bax had told anyone about his fear of fire. It felt good to say it aloud. Relieving even. And he could feel his attitude improving slightly.
“Hey do you wanna teach me how to play chess? I won’t be as good as Garbon, but consider it a trade for when I tell you about what the Swans did to me.”
Ethan
Ethan did remember the exploding barrel, now that Bax mentioned it. He honestly hadn’t thought much about it since they’d left their little village… what, six years ago? Seven? How long had it been…?
The only impression the event left on Ethan was a small scar and a lasting awareness to respect the cunning of Kelwin and those like him. It was funny the way different people experienced the same event; how memories would scar one person and simply faded for another.
“Sure, man. We can wait. Tell everyone at the same time. Or, if you change you mind, you don’t have to tell anyone.”
“And, when we find the time, I’d be happy to teach you chess. You might like it.”
“But, for now, how about I show you to the safe house I got setup for you? Some people got a better deal than other but… I think you’ll like the one I found for you!”
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A Respectable Ally (Ethan)
S12 E02 - You Can’t Go Home Again
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